The Year I Was Crucified
Thought for your day #7, Sat 9/2/00
At first blush you might think this is going to be a boo-hoo-hoo pity party. Nothing could be farther from the truth, so please, do me a favor and either read it all the way to the end or skip it altogether.
The following story is true, as close to the objective facts as I can humanly relate them. And the events occurred over a period of 6 years, so I will try my best to condense them into a compact form. The names and details have been omitted....
 | 1988 I move to my current town. A local church is doing an evangelism program, calling every house in town, inviting them to the church. I start attending. |
| 1990 I've kind of warmed-up to the place, and let it be known that I am a classically trained church organist, and have been playing at that particular denomination (interestingly enough....I don't think ANY of this is by chance, and like I said, this is NOT a woe-is-me story.) So I start playing at this church. |
| 1993 the church, after 14 years of waiting, is finally able to move into its new building. The problem was that, after the building, there was literally not one dollar left for the music department. So, skipping all the details of how it all came to be, I was able to buy a state-of-the-art digital Allen church Organ, worth $56,000, for "only" $32,000(!) I took-out a 2nd trust deed on my house to do this. The church and I agreed that I would install my organ and grand piano in the church, play every Sunday I was in town, give an organ concert for the community every Tuesday night, teach a Sunday Morning Bible study, and charge the church $1 per month. (That is not a typo....it was one dollar a month "lease" on the instruments to make the Church's insurance policy legally cover them....I donated all my time...This was not a job, it was my Ministry and "Life's Calling.") |
| Now here comes the "hard-to-believe" part. It was a good-news-bad-news situation. The good news was that many people deeply responded...The church grew exponentially. Many people who had been in church for decades (and I won't say this again, but I am not exaggerating or making any of this up) and had never attended Bible study started attending my class, finding it "the most inspirational thing I've ever heard in my life." And the Tuesday night concerts were a great success. Again, I was more than once told this was "the most beautiful music I have ever heard in my life." The bad news was that, how to say this delicately, the Pastor was recently out of Seminary, and was not-quite-as-successfully-received. What began as a partnership between us turned quickly bitter. |
| It all came to a head early December 1993. I gave (on the usual Tuesday night) a Christmas concert....there were 125 people there, almost unprecedented in the small rural community I live in. The next night the Pastor held an Advent (the 4 weeks before Christmas) Service. Counting himself and me (playing organ), there were 9 people in the building.......He was devastated....And I still remember the icy look of hatred he had while he stared at me. |
| He began a campaign....You see, the agreement between me and the church was a legal and moral contract...We had papers approved and signed by both sides....I had been installed as the Minister of Music, and Associate Teacher. The Pastor and I were the entire ministry team....And, the Elders and Board of Directors (almost) all attended the concerts & my Bible study...So, he started this campaign to recruit adult children of Pastors to become members of the church, who had 100% unfailing "loyalty" to him. |
| November 1994. The turbulent year has passed. The Pastor has just installed the new Elders and Board of Directors (who would support his action). The night before Thanksgiving I get a most troubling phone call: "Sir, this is Pastor --- with --- church. Sir, I am calling to inform you that you are being terminated for cause. You are to remove yourself from my church within 48 hours, or I will not be able to guarantee the safety of your instruments." |
| For the record, the charge was insubordination. And, for the record, he was right. It is a part of the official Board Minutes (though you will never see them) that the Pastor had admitted that he had been staying in his office, not calling on anyone, not doing his job, playing computer games, and in effect stealing the tithes and offerings of the (not-at-all-wealthy) members of the church. And, yes, I had been vocal (at first in private, later more and more publicly) that what he was doing was an abomination before the Lord. And I could go on and on about how "right" I was in calling his evil out, and doing what was "right", and all that, but it would accomplish nothing. |
| So I left. |
| That's all as OK....Things happen.....Now it's time for the "crucifixion" part.....Can you guess? Well, despite the facts that 1) this was a violation of the contract (which had all the normal termination clauses), 2) a Violation of the Laws in this State, 3) and a violation of Official church Policy, and 4) against the desires of over half of the congregation, neither the head-organization of the church, nor any of the leadership, nor any of the people who had claimed to have been so touched by my music and teaching, did anything to stop it. Even though this was (actually and technically) illegal, no one stepped in to stop it. If you think the police, doctors and lawyers have a "code of silence", you haven't seen anything compared to how organized religion (not always, of course, but all-too-often) protects its evil, child-molesting, law-breaking Clergy. I know, first hand, these things to be facts. |
What hurt most was not the sad, fallen Pastor. It was my "friends" and "pupils" who ran into the night. Yes, over half of the congregation left, and the Pastor was eventually defrocked by the head-organization, and the whole thing was very tragic. But what cut to the bone was the sense of betrayal....I had given, loved, taught, played music......And, indeed, I know people's lives were touched. But to have them run to another church when conflict developed, instead of in any way standing-up to say "No, this is wrong, this will not happen" was quite devastating.
Now, folks, I have never had sharp spikes pounded through my hands and feet.....And certainly I have never been as perfectly loving as Jesus.....Nevertheless I was being used as an instrument of God to touch people's lives. And I was, albeit symbolically, crucified. And it hurt, more deeply than anything I had known up to that time.
And the punch line? After dealing with my anger and sorrow, I got a tape recorder....Did all the Bible Studies again, this time into the recorder...Hired a transcriptionist....And posted the transcriptions to the World Wide Web as The Church of Yahweh. As of this writing, we have just passed our 19,000th "hit" since March of 1996 ......This has been able to touch far more people than would ever have been possible by staying in the local church. Resurrection is real.
The morals of the story?
| When Jesus says, "If anyone wishes to come after me, let them deny themselves, take up their crosses and follow me", He is not referring to the boil on your back or the mother-in-law you don't like. The Cross is the instrument upon which your ego must die. |
| Doing what is right or being good does not, in and of itself, guarantee "good" or pleasant results. More often than not the very opposite is true. |
| You, too, have had your "crucifixion" experiences. |
| These experiences are valid. |
| Yet, there IS the all-present promise and reality of resurrection.....New Birth. |
| It will take time....Mourning is not instantaneous....Jesus did take 40 days to be ready to ascend back to the Father....So be patient with yourself. |
| But however horrid the situation, know always that YHWH is the "force" working constantly to transform that experience into light. "God causes all things to work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes." Romans 8:28. |
| Religion, once again, is not just a collection of beliefs to be mindlessly held or stupidly argued about. Religion is an active, dynamic, real participation in the Divine Dance of Life.....Including, as it must be, the dance of death and transformation. |
Thanks for being here....And knowing that you could never have read this and, hopefully, receive much-needed affirmation in your own life, does, indeed, make having lived through it worthwhile.
