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Dare The DevilChapter 12 - The Curious Time“In days of old when magic filled the air…” --Led Zeppelin Thus began The Curious Time. I was caught in a dynamic tension between Communion with Christ and Communion with The Powers. I did not at that time acknowledge them as evil. I was not a practicing Satanist, having renounced the Lord, Church and Love. I never, ever said, meant, or thought, “Evil, be thou my good.” It was just that I was special. Gifted. Touched by Beings and Powers beyond the norm. I guess that just happens when you are born on Mars, right? In my own manner I was a Christian, however failingly. I had celebrated my first birthday as a new Christian. And so I never thought that the Powers were demonic. I would never do that. Heck, I was appalled by Red Devil Fireworks, and wouldn’t even eat Devil’s Food Cake. For me, The Voice was God. THE God, Father of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Why did He only speak to me in That Way when I was stoned? Well, the weed helped open my mind you see, removed the shackles from my thinking, and let me know the Truth as it really is. Marijuana was God’s vehicle for focusing my thoughts and letting me hear Him. Yes, the Church was right that for normal people this was not good, but I was not the norm. Besides, I had a secret. One of the many Revelations I would receive. That was, that the real reason people have problems with drugs is that they misuse them. They get stoned and eat or talk stupid or do stupid things. Not me. In my diary, in faded pencil, I can still read the words of the Revelation: “Think about God while I’m high. That’s the highest Way.” So that’s what I did, being the obedient little servant. I would smoke weed, and read the Bible, pray, and talk to The Voice, which I knew to be God Almighty. And whatever thoughts and realizations came to me in that state constituted the New Religion, the New Way, God’s Voice for these, man’s last days on earth. I didn’t get stoned, you see. That was for the normal people. I got high. And I called it Communion. And I continued my habit of only Communing once a week. That way I could focus on the Bible Studies and organ playing and drama plays during the week, and Commune with The Voice and real Bible Study on Saturday nights. And the music started talking to me again, wonderful things, about promises and pleasures and how fantastic I was…. That was my new religion, one of many gifts the Powers would bring me. “Curiouser and Curiouser,” as Alice would say in her Wonderland. The school bought a new, fancy, state-of-the-art synthesizer. I immediately took to it, became the darling of the teacher. I even played concerts with the school band. What the teacher didn’t know was that The Voice showed me how to get sounds out of that thing that no one had heard in the history of the human race. That’s why he liked me so much. And I knew why, even if he didn’t. Another gift from The Voice. Like the time I played the synthesizer at a band concert, and some other poor stoner teenager left his joints on top of an amplifier while he carried equipment around and I slipped them into my pocket because this wasn’t stealing it was a gift from The Voice and besides the drugs would hurt that kid but they wouldn’t hurt me because I was special and even though he didn’t know it I had done him a favor. Curiouser and Curiouser. As another gift, in one moment The Voice doubled my entire record collection, and it didn’t even cost me one dollar! A miracle, so obvious, so plain, everyone should do it, and yet no one did, because they were normal and I wasn’t. The idea was to record an album onto my reel-to-reel tape recorder. Then, flip the reels, and with a simple twist of the tape I could listen to a whole new album, by listening to it again, only backwards this time. The gift was so perfect that I didn’t even have to rewind the tape! Such was my growing insanity and delusional state that this one realization, that I didn’t even have to rewind the tape in order to be able to listen to it backwards, brought me inexpressible delight for days on end……. That’s what it was all about, being new, being special, convenience, powers and abilities beyond human mortality, no problems at all. My 3-day-a-week, 4-class schedule was not a cop-out, you see, not an outgrowth of my laziness and certainly not a byproduct of my drug habit, not the failure of a public school system to stimulate, challenge, or inspire, not an indictment of my fractured home life, no, no, no. This was a gift from The Powers. A gift from God. Giving me more time to explore and have fun and score weed and get ready for my weekly Communion. Curiouser and Curiouser. And it was a 2-way dialogue. My initial insubordination the night of Peter’s second spell in October had been forgotten, and now in January of the year I would graduate from high school I had a very polite, respectful dialogue with The Voice, and was free to make requests. And early January I requested girls. The request was immediately granted, as was the pattern in those days. We took a long bus ride up to Northern California for a Drama Festival. Now weed was out of the question, because on a school trip you could really get arrested for stuff like that. But the seemingly endless supply of Darvon was more than sufficient to keep me buzzed for the trip. But what was amazing was this girl….She had been hanging around in the drama group for years, and was a Junior and very, very cute, and all of a sudden, one could say out of the middle of nowhere although I knew it was another gift from The Voice because I had requested it and The Voice wanted me to be happy, she wanted to sit by me and hold my hand and kiss me and….Well, we certainly didn’t do it, being a school bus and all and I would remain a virgin until God’s sacrificial Lamb cured me of witchcraft months later, but this was amazing since I had barely even been on a date in the year and a half since we moved to California. This was major news. Major News. So too was the fact that the next day at the Drama Festival I would meet another girl, even cuter and sexier that the one on the bus, who let me kiss her even more, and was even more fond of me and, wow. WOW. It would be wrong to give these girls’ names here, only because it would lend more of an impression that I really cared about them than was the case. These were not people. Simply put, they were objects that I would fondle and play with, sent by The Voice because I was becoming a Witch. Oh yes, I used that word a lot. That’s what Peter was, and that’s what I was becoming, just like Peter, and I even promised the second girl at the Drama Festival that she would have a great life because she had let me make out with her and I was a witch and I could do those things. It was ego and puffed-up and wrong, oh so wrong and hurtful and I would redo it all if I could but we can’t and that’s why it’s so important to get it right the first time and to worship and practice forgiveness for ourselves and others…but I did put in a good word for her at next Communion. Curiouser and Curiouser. Again, I never really thought about the inconsistencies. I was a Christian Witch. That’s all there was to it. And the small people wouldn’t understand, and they couldn’t understand, but that didn’t matter, just like I never tried to teach George the family dog calculus. Exactly what a “witch” was (beyond the simple fact of someone who smoked weed once a week and read the Bible and called it Communion with The Voice, all the theological implications and all that) simply never came up. I had drugs. I had girls. I had doubled my record collection and would listen to entire 90 minute albums backwards. I listened to The Voice while stoned, it answered my prayers, and God really loved me because I was so cool and special and was a year-old Christian and went to Church twice a week. What Sam’s parents, hard-working Mr. & Mrs. America, did not realize was that, while they were out laboring to pay the rent, dealing with their own fears and trying to reconstruct the dreams of their lives, a Satan-worshipping demon was growing in their house. Curiouser and Curiouser. So, too, when I decided I actually wanted to meet the Dark One Himself. |
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